While gigantic and expensive weddings are getting more and more popular, so is eloping. I wrote about why eloping is a good idea in a recent blog post and have been wanting to write another wedding post for a while. I decided to wait until the post-wedding dust had settled to make sure my feelings were still the same. I’ve been married for almost a year now and I’m now even more certain that weddings are overrated and eloping was the perfect choice. Keep reading to find out why.
It is just one day
Now the memories of my wedding day have faded I realise that society puts so much emphasis on this one day being perfect. We are encouraged to spend huge amounts of money to create a perfect day and then afterwards we try to cling to the memories that fade so quickly.
Wedding memories have been scientifically proven to evaporate. Just kidding. They really do disappear quickly though. It’s a huge amount of planning and effort for something that will last a day. My wedding day was a wonderful day. I’d love to do it all over again, but I’m only left with snippets of memory, because the day passed by in a flash.
You should love your spouse more than your wedding day
The love you have for your spouse should be bigger than your childhood dream to have a fancy wedding. If you’re marrying the right person it shouldn’t matter how you start your life together. The two of you should be more important than a one time event. If you planned your wedding as a 6 year old (before you met your husband) it might be time to question whether your 6 year old self would have known about the financial responsibilities of your 20-something year old self. I was clueless about adulting as 6 year old. I still am. Sometimes childhood dreams should stay in your childhood and replaced with something less whimsical. Why do we need a perfect day to start a messy life of adulting together?
Google ‘post wedding blues’ and you’ll read plenty of tales from depressed newlyweds who don’t know what to do with their life now their the wedding is over. You really should want your partner more than your wedding day. Remember, the focus should be on the marriage not the wedding.
Weddings are an overrated waste of money
When the cost of a wedding is matching or even exceeding what a couple can save in a year. The necessity of the expense becomes questionable. Getting married is not half as important as being married. Many people put off living to save for a wedding. They forgo travel, meals out and any other treats, so that they can save for an elaborate event.
So many sacrifices are made to save up for one day. A better start in life would be to put this money towards a house deposit, the kids college fees, a longer maternity leave or 6 months of travel. One of the biggest causes of divorce is financial strain. If money is no object, then go and plan that wedding, but hard earned savings can be spent in better ways. The average cost of a wedding is more than the average person can save in a year. Do you really want a single day to cost more than you could save in a year? I also can’t wrap my head around people who live in rented accommodation and can’t afford a honeymoon, but spend $40,000 on a wedding.
The small details don’t matter
All I wanted when I got married was a nice dress, like any girl. That didn’t work out. I had a dress disaster and ran out of time to get it fixed. The one thing I wanted I didn’t get. I was upset about this to begin with as I really wanted my dress to be perfect. Then I realised how ridiculous it is that women feel pressured into looking like a princess for one day. I’m not a princess. I’m a teacher.
On a normal day I drag myself out of bed at 6am, down a double expresso and run for the bus while still zipping my dress up (one time I even forgot to zip my dress up and only noticed when my students were laughing histericly). We are all bumbling through life. That’s why we get married, so we can bumble through life with our own special weird human (and then ask them to zip our dress up for us).
It’s not necessary to start a messy and chaotic life under the pretence of perfection. People spend on average $5,000+ on wedding flowers alone and a huge amount on table decorations and wedding favours. It reminds me of the line from Bohemian Rhapsody “Is this real life? Is this just fantasy?” If we need to escape reality on our wedding day and literally flush money down the toilet, we have to question if we are getting married for the right reasons.
We focus more on what our photos will look like on social media
Even wedding photography tries to emulate fantasy. We live in an age where people live for photos more than experiences. When I look at the wedding photos of family members who got married 20+ years ago I see happy couples in dated wedding gowns outside a church. People used to take photos to capture the moment.
Now photos are taken to create something whimsical and that does not resemble real life. It’s not uncommon for people to have negative feelings about their wedding day, because the photographer didn’t manage to capture some specific photos. Your wedding photos are memories of a special day. In 10 years time you won’t regret the photos you didn’t get.
I had a massive list of photos I wanted to capture on my wedding day, but even me, a person who loves photography got bored and just wanted some champagne, so we gave up. Do I regret not getting all the photos on my wish list? Not at all, you only really need a handful of nice photos, not an overrated and expensive wedding.
If you’re questioning whether having a traditional wedding is the right thing for you. Ask yourself these questions:
- Would you prefer to spend the money on something that would last longer than a day?
- Are you having a wedding because it’s what you want or your family wants?
- Have you ever considered alternatives or is a traditional wedding what society pressures you into?
- Do you enjoy planning and attending large parties/events?
- Do you like the thought of spending evenings and weekends sending invites and organising table plans?
- Do you like being the centre of attention or do you have a more introverted personality?
- How will you feel if it rains on your wedding day? Will you be at peace with an expensive rainy day?
Answer these questions with the wedding in mind and you might be able to come to a decision that is right for you. Deep down you will know what is best. Some people regret having big weddings (just google ‘I hated my wedding day’). Some people regret having small weddings.
When you make a choice on anything in life, you will always regret the option you didn’t pick. That is human nature. You can only (hopefully) have one wedding day, so make a decision and realise that every option comes with regrets. Ditch that negative thinking and enjoy getting excited about starting your life together as a team.
Edited to add: You may end up splitting up. My ex husband realised that marriage was not for him right after our first anniversary and unceremoniously ghosted me ~ didn’t see that one coming. Thank goodness we didn’t blow money on a wedding. I wrote this post before I was ghosted , so now I absolutely think weddings are overrated. It was bad enough being left by somebody I spent 12 years of my life with, thank goodness I didn’t flush my savings down the toilet in the process.
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