Are you wondering what the red flags of traveling with a narcissist might be? Narcissists follow similar patterns of behaviour when traveling as they do when at home. However, there are some things to look out for, which make it easier to identify that you are travelling with a narcissist. They do not make the easiest of travel buddies. Read on for the signs and red flags that you could traveling with a narcissist.
Trip Planning with a narcissist
When traveling with a narcissist and planning a trip, a narcissist they will rarely show enthusiasm to help with the planning. They will say things like “you’re the organised one, I prefer to wing it” or “I don’t mind where we stay.”
They will not offer any help or suggestions to help plan the trip (which they are going on to). You will feel like a solo trip planner doing all the work to prepare for the trip.
During the trip planning process, you might offer them options to choose from, for example, 3 hotels with their pros and cons. The narcissist won’t give their opinion or help you choose. All the decisions will be left to you. So without their help you go ahead and make the bookings.
Once you have arrived at your destination the narcissist will not be happy with what you have booked and complain.
They might say things like “I never said I wanted to come here, this was your idea.” They will accuse you of being controlling and wanting to have everything your own way.
In terms of narcissistic vocabulary this will be a mixture of gaslighting, baiting and switching. They will also devalue the plans you made and belittle the work you put into planning a trip for them.
Sometimes this will happen before the trip and they will ask you to change hotels, itineraries or even flights last minute as they suddenly won’t like what you booked.
It’s all very stressful and you will feel like you are carrying the burden. The narcissist will use gaslighting a manipulation tactics to make you feel that the problem and miscommunication are your problem. Consistent difficulties when trip planning are a sign that you are travelling with a narcissist.
Traveling with a narcissist – Walking ahead of you
It’s such a subtle but frequently seen behaviour with narcissists. Walking side by side shows connection and compromise, while walking ahead of someone shows dominance and control.
A narcissist will frequently walk ahead of, or away from you. Whether it be strolling around a city or on a gruelling hike, you will be running to try and keep up with the narcissist.
You might call out to the narcissist “hey, slow down, I can’t keep up.” The narcissist will respond by telling you that you walk too slow, or or tell you to walk faster. You end up running just to keep up with them. It’s stressful and causes anxiety.
Walking Ahead of you continued…
We feel connected to another person when we walk side by side, we also feel calm. When a narcissist purposely races ahead of us, it makes us feel anxious and stressed, not to mention out of breath.
They will frequently do this when you arrive at the part of a trip that you are most excited about. An example could be the top of a mountain after a long hike or a highly anticipated tourist destination. They will vanish and you’ll have nobody to share the moment or experience with. If you have experienced this before then you might have been traveling with a narcissist.
The reason a narcissist will walk ahead of you is that it gives them a feeling of control with you running after them. They know it annoys you. When you ask them to slow down it gives them power, because they know you are feeling annoyed by them walking ahead of you. These sinister creates enjoy making other feel unhappy.
This tactic is also commonly used when on the way to meet friends, so that you arrive flustered and anxious after chasing after them and then they can then blame you for being moody or grumpy in front of other people.
Remember: these people are the masters of manipulation. Stay away from anybody that frequently does this.
Money and contributing towards the trip – not paying half
A narssicist can be fairly manipulative with money in 3 ways while traveling.
Firstly, they might say that they will go halves on all costs. Then once on the trip they will not offer to pay their fair share. They will say things like “I don’t really worry about money, I don’t know what you worrying about it”. All the while you may have been shouldering the majority of the costs of the trip. Their manipulative ways will make you feel bad for expecting them to pay their way.
The second way a narcissist will extract money from you during a trip will be through meals and eating out. They will often order the most expensive meal or expensive cocktails. They might have two starters and a main course, while you eat a salad. They will happily split the bill 50/50. After a while you will feel like you are subsidising their food and drink, because while you might order a slice pizza and they order a variety of dishes, you will be paying a portion towards all their meals. They will rarely say “I ordered more so let me pay extra”.
Money and contributing towards the trip – paying for everything
Thirdly, non of the above could happen and you could experience the opposite. The Narcissist could be entirely generous and pay for everything. However, if this happens the narcissist will hold it against you. Narcissist see relationships with people entirely transactional. If you do this for me, then i’ll do this for you.
Maybe the narcissist will have paid for everything on a trip, because you earned a lot less, but they will then expect expensive gifts from you. They may also expect you to do extra chores or do things for them as they paid for more. You start to feel that you owe the narcissist. Everything you do will not be enough to make up for the financial support they offered you on the trip. When the narcissist pays for everything, they have control over you. They like it this way. A narcissist always likes to be in control.
Can we ruin the good part
A really sad part of narcissism is that they do not like to see other people happy. They have a underlining resentment for other peoples happiness and will actively try to ruin the joy of those close to them.
When not traveling, a narcissist will try and ruin birthdays, anniversaries or any special occasion. When traveling, they will specifically ruin the part of the trip that you are most looking forward to. They will do this by pulling a disappearing act, ghosting you, giving you the silent treatment, causing an argument or just refusing to engage or talk with you. If you are looking forward to a specific part of a trip, they will find a way to ruin it for you.
While we all might have had bad experience with a travel partner in the past due to a clash of personalities or mismatch in or habits. When you raise an issue with a narcissist, their defences are designed to distort your reality and protect the narcissist from seeing their own flaws. A traveling narcissist will actively try to manipulate, gaslight, bait and control you to make themselves feel better. Watch out for these signs and don’t let anybody take their deep rooted insecurities out on you while you’re trying to enjoy a trip in an exotic location.
Individuals from all walks of life may exhibit behaviours like this that are not ideal or courteous. A one off from everything listed above is understandable and forgivable, however a repeat performance is a behaviour pattern. Narcissists all follow the same behaviour pattern. Once you are aware of these patterns you can set boundaries to protect yourself.
If you found it this helpful and would like more blog posts on this topic, let me know in the comments below.
You may also be interested to read how the narcissist acts when you travel solo .
